posted on February 4, 2004 12:48:41 PM new
A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name.
After everything is gone at the funeral home and cemetery,
she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, "How can that be?
You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died.
How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500.
And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation for the church
and the organist and all.
That was $500 and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks,
posted on February 4, 2004 01:20:55 PM new
( I bet Ralphie hit the strip clubs )
Reminds me a little of this old insurance joke ....
Sounds like the story of the woman whose house burned down. When she asked her insurance company for the $200,000 it was insured for, they told her it didn't work that way. They would replace the house with an identical one. She said, "then cancel the policy on my husband."
-------------- sig file ----------- *There is no conclusive evidence that life is serious*
posted on February 4, 2004 05:10:26 PM new
Man Died
In his will it was stated that his wife was to bury all his money with him.
The day of the funeral woman was asked what she was going to do?
So she wrote out a check and put it in his pocket.
said if he can cash it he can have it!
posted on February 4, 2004 10:06:22 PM new
After a long day of listing on eBay, two guys were walking their dogs. One had a German Shepherd and the other had a Boston Terrier. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, They're not going to let dogs into the bar. And the first guy says, No? Watch this. So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything.
So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Boston Terrier into the bar. The bartender says, ;Sorry-we don't allow dogs in here. And the man says, It's okay-it's my seeing-eye dog. The bartender laughs and says, This Boston Terrier is your seeing-eye dog? And the guy says, They gave me a Boston Terrier?
posted on February 5, 2004 11:35:53 AM new
They gave me RALHPHIE???
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
posted on February 7, 2004 11:00:11 AM new
Mike and Charlie were confirmed golfers. They played 18 holes every saturday. One weekend Mike got home about 9:00 P.M. His wife was waiting and was scared to death something had happened to him. When he walked in the door he looked horrible. His shirt was clinging to his chest - his hair was mussed-he was just a general mess. When she asked what had happened he stated that Charlie had a fatal heart attack on the 3rd hole and he had been with him ever since. His wife said "If Charlie died why has it taken so long?" Mike said, From the 3rd hole on it was "Hit the ball, drag charlie, Hit the ball, drag charlie!!!"
Staying out of a mental institution is a testament to my greatness!!!!
posted on February 7, 2004 11:06:43 AM new
This is my favorite joke of all time!!!
A blonde decides to go horseback riding. She has never ridden before and is a bit apprehensive but gets on the horse anyway. Everything goes OK for awhile until she feels the saddle beginnng to shift slightly to her right. The longer she rides the more the saddle shifts. She grabs hold of the horses mane to keep her balance but this just makes the horse go faster. She decides that she must jump off to save herself so she leaps off the horse on the right side. Before she hits the ground her left foot catches in the stirrup and now she's being dragged. The horse is moving at a good clip and her head is bouncing on the ground and just before she passes out - THE K MART MANAGER RUNS OUT AND SHUTS IT OFF!!!!!
)