posted on June 14, 2002 10:09:06 PM new
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front
of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and
gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that
he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on
the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains," I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.
"The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks
over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops off out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands," What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says.....
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(This is bad! )
(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line.)
(You know you're gonna be sorry.)
(Last chance.)
(OK, here it is!)
It says:
Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds a permanent wave.
posted on June 15, 2002 10:14:54 AM new
A Joke that uses the rule of three and the prop the "Red herring"
A conductor was on the train collecting the passenger's tickets. When he got to an aged man, he asked him for his ticket. The man replied "I was in such a hurry to catch this train, I did not have time to purchase a ticket. Do you think you can overlook it this one time?" Well, the conductor replied "I am sorry sit, but this is my job. I will have to escort you off the train." And with that he grabbed the man and threw him out of the moving train, killing him.
Well, of course the authorities arrested him and charged him with a capital murder. When he was convicted, he was sentenced to die in the electric chair. The day of his execution came and as he was being led to the chair, they asked him if he had any last requests. "Yes, I would like a banana." Well they gave him a banana and after he finished it, they strapped him into the chair. They threw the switch once, nothing happened. They threw the switch a second time, still nothing happened. According to the laws of the state, the sentence had been carried out and they had to release him.
He was able to get his old job as a conductor back. But a few months later as he was collecting tickets he came upon the teenager. When he asked the teenager for his ticket, he replied "I ain't got no ticket! Whatcha gonna do, throw me off the train!?" Which the conductor promptly did killing the teenager.
Again he was arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced to die in the electric chair. A second time, as he was being led to the chair, they asked if he had any last requests. "I would like a banana", he replied. After he finished it, they strapped him into the chair. They threw the switch once, nothing happened. They threw the switch a second time, still nothing happened. According to the laws of the state, the sentence had been carried out and they had to release him.
Again, he got his old job back as a conductor. And again, a few month later as he was collecting ticket, he asked a voluptuous young lady for her ticket. She replied, "I haven't got a ticket, but I can make it worth you while at the next station. Unfortunately for the lady, old habits are hard to break and she was thrown from the train and killed.
Once again he was arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced to die in the electric chair. Before they took him to the chair this time, they thoroughly had it checked out, testing it on several other prisoners first. It was in excellent working order. The third time came and as he was being led to the chair, they asked if he had any last requests. "I would like a banana", he replied. After he finished it, they strapped him into the chair. But first they checked all the electrode and connection to make sure he hadn't blocked them with pieces of banana. Finally, they felt they were ready. They threw the switch once, nothing happened. They threw the switch a second time, still nothing happened. According to the laws of the state, the sentence had been carried out and they had to release him.
Well the prison warden was livid. Three failure on this guy in a row. So he asked, "What is it about those bananas that protect you?!?"
"I don't know, I just like bananas"
"Then why can't we electrocute you!?!"
"Maybe I'm not a very good conductor."
There are only 10 types of people in the world
Those who understand binary and those who don't
[ edited by mlecher on Jun 15, 2002 12:37 PM ]
