posted on June 30, 2002 08:04:51 PM new
> Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays
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> Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
> gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
> * Sue Masterlie, Washington
> []
> His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
> underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
> * Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
> []
> He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy
who
> went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
> with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
> schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
> those boxes with a pinhole in it.
> * Joseph Romm, Washington
> []
> She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
> dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
open
> again.
> * Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
> []
> The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
> ball wouldn't.
> * Russell Beland, Springfield
> []
> McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
> vegetable soup.
> * Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
> []
> From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal
> quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes
> on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.
> * Roy Ashley, Washington
> []
> Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
> * Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
> []
> Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
> * Russell Beland, Springfield
>
> He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
> * Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
> []
> The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them
> in hot grease.
> * Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
> []
> Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
> grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
> Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
> p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
> * Jennifer Hart, Arlington
> []
> The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a
Dr
> Pepper can.
> * Wayne Goode, Madison, AL
> []
> They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
> resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
> * Paul Kocak, Syracuse NY
> []
> John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
> never met.
> * Russell Beland, Springfield
> []
> The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
> metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
> * Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
> []
> The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
> * Unknown
> []
> He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
> River.
> * Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
> []
> Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
> that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
> * Sandra Hull, Arlington
> []
> The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview
> portion of "Jeopardy! "
> * Jean Sorensen, Herndon
> []
> Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
> * Jerry Pannullo, Kensington
> []
> The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan
> just might work.
> * Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
> []
> The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for
a
> while.
> * Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
> []
> He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real
> duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
> something.
> * John Kammer, Herndon
> []
> Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter
> from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
> * Barbara Collier, Garrett Park
> []
> She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
> before it throws up.
> * Susan Reese, Arlington
> []
> It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
> seen before.
> * Marian Carlsson, Lexington
> []
> The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep.Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.)
> in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to
> Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill. ) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the
> impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
> * J. F. Knowles, Springfield
> []
> The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind
> her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
> * Jennifer Hart, Arlington
> []
> The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
> his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
> formerly surcharge-free ATM.
> * Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse
> []
> The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
> set on medium.
> * Unknown
> []
> It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
> tools.
> * Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
> []
> He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she
> were a garbage truck backing up.
> * Susan Reese, Arlington
> []
> Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
> cleanser.
> * Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
> []
> She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature
> Canadian beef.
> * Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
> []
> She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
> * Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park
> []
> Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
> paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
> * Sue Lin Chong, Washington
> []
> It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
> wall.
> * Unknown
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posted on June 30, 2002 08:10:45 PM new
LOL, Roadsmith! (but how do you accidently staple your tongue to a wall?) You have the right to an informed opinion -Harlan Ellison
posted on July 1, 2002 03:42:37 AM new
I recognize a couple names of regular contributors to the W. Post's Style Invitational. That Sunday column is a hoot.
posted on July 1, 2002 07:43:17 AM new
I thought these were exceptionally funny. I taught junior high history in the last century (!!), many many years ago, and these actually ring true to me. (Sometimes stuff like this is made up by "experts," right?)
One of my favorites was an 8th grader who, defining the word "typhoon," said: "A typoon is a Japanese diplomate (sic) who is a very dangerous man if war should come."
posted on July 1, 2002 08:00:24 AM new
of course this is in the chapter where Gengiss Kahn tried to move his corporation
spice girls international to japan.
