posted on July 10, 2002 06:51:56 PM new
Probably not here, of course, but perhaps you have a friend whose Kid just went a little too far on the wrong day and they had a moment when if 911 and child welfare was called it would've been perfectly fine?
posted on July 10, 2002 07:08:33 PM new
Do ya know I looked at that 911 and read it 9/11 since you were so deeply effected by 9/11. Do you think those slime balls maybe saw that as a sort of cute little numerical joke?
Of course I know the Europeans use a different order but they'd know we don't.
I don't have kids so I could always walk away from them. I long ago knew I had no temperment for raising kids. I would be in prison for sure for child abuse the first time the little creep got in my face.
We're over it already but jeezus was I ever reduced to infantilism.
Re 9-11. You think the Beatles "Paul is really dead" had a ton of clues? 9/11 has those too--like add the numbers of dead firemen, divide by nine, subtract by 11 kind of thing and twenty more.
P.S. You have consistently, intelligently, and empathically have always been there for me, Gravid, and I appreciate it. I've wanted to tell you this, and this is as good as place as any. Besides, I don't know when this Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet keyboard iss going to blow.
posted on July 10, 2002 07:32:53 PM new
I've found it helps to keep your drinks from dripping in them but the worst is peanut butter. If you ever dump much chunky peanut butter in the keys just throw the sucker away. You can get them dirt cheap anyway.
posted on July 10, 2002 07:39:59 PM new
I still tell my daughter she is lucky she lived through her childhood.She is 31. I know the line of which you speak and I will admit to having crossed it myself. Most people probably have at least once.Kids know exactly which buttons to push don't they?
posted on July 10, 2002 07:49:01 PM new
I will admit I sometimes turn the key board upside down and smack it on the desk a few to release the bread crumbs = eraser grit - pencil shavings - bellybutton lint and other debris that accumalates.
posted on July 10, 2002 07:50:31 PM new
>>I know the line of which you speak and I will admit to having crossed it myself.<<
Not now, but when he was an infant/toddler I developed more understanding as to why people throw kids out windows and all that. If one is paying attention, this has to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet. And I have an essentially good brat. That the not well-hinged lose it, I can understand; but they shouldn't be breeding anyway.
posted on July 10, 2002 07:56:12 PM new
Kinda like the other thread about how if you are a cop you have to resist beating the snot out of a creep after you cuff them.
Have to admit I backhanded my little brother in law across the mouth once so hard he bounced off the wall and rolled over twice.
The little jerk walked up and hit me in the eggs with no provocation.
posted on July 10, 2002 08:03:13 PM new
Sometimes even the best hinged people can lose it given the right circumstances. You just have to move on and try to resist being unhinged again. Raising kids is a very hard job and people that have never done it or had kids that really were little angels do not understand how hard it really can be...especially if you are a single mom. Very hard to do it all alone.
posted on July 10, 2002 08:05:04 PM new
Gravid I treat my keyboard the same way! Turn it upside down and whack it. I also take each little key off and clean under it with a damp[alcohol damp] q-tip when it gets too sticky. I should do that this week in fact.
[ edited by rawbunzel on Jul 10, 2002 08:05 PM ]
posted on July 10, 2002 08:05:09 PM new
I have two five-year olds, whom I care for on weekends. My ex- also miscarried a pair of identical twins at around six months. They're buried across the street from my old high school.
Perhaps my perspective is different, but I'd have to say no, I never even approached that line. I have swatted or cuffed them a few times, even in anger, though never roughly. The bigger twin is a real manipulator. She'll grab stuff away from her little sister, or "trade" stuff which her smaller sister happily allows. That pisses me off. The only time I ever got close to spanking was when one of them ran out into the street after I told her not to. She got a good couple of swats for that. (That was about age three.)
My kids are a joy to me. If you've never had a little girl tell you, "Daddy I love you" then you have missed the most wonderful thing in life. My kids are a blessing and a day doesn't go by that I'm not reminded of it.
posted on July 10, 2002 08:51:14 PM new
Although on paper I have custody of my kids 25% of the time, in actuality it is really closer to 50/50. I can tell you that I spend more time with my kids than many married dads. I've turned down promotion offers that would have required me to work nights and/or weekends.
From your posts over the last few weeks and months, I would hazard a guess that you are feeling trapped and confined in your home and in your relationship with "The Kid." I would guess that your sleep is affected. Find someone (Dad, or grandparents) to care for the child for a week or so, and take a vacation. Go to some nice little Vermont inn or whatever you New Yorkers do, turn OFF the TV and newspapers, and just rest. You'd be doing both of you a favor.
posted on July 10, 2002 09:01:19 PM new
LOL Steve! While I agree that a nice break is probably what NYCYN needs not everyone has family that will take the kids so you can have a break. My mother would not watch my kids and she only lived a few miles away. She said it wasn't her turn she'd done it and she wasn't doing it anymore. She would occasionaly go with me to the doctors so that she could watch them in the waiting room for me.
posted on July 10, 2002 09:18:34 PM new
Taking care of a kid for a week is no big deal. If Dad and/or grandparents aren't available, there are still aunts, uncles and friends. It kinda depends on how important you think a well-needed rest is. Anyway, it was just a suggestion. Send The Kid upstate to Aunt Maggie's farm for a week or two. He'll love it.
posted on July 10, 2002 09:21:47 PM new
Don't get me wrong! It's a great suggestion and NYCYN would feel a lot better and refreshed if she could get away from everything for a week or so. I just thought she didn't have anyone around to help her out.Not everyone does.
posted on July 10, 2002 09:22:30 PM new
One of my friends royally "lost it" with her son once. When he hit 14 or 15 years old he, like many teens, firmly believed that he knew everything there was to know in the world and that he certainly didn't have to mind his mom or even treat her with courtesy.
Now, my friend weighs *maybe* 102 pounds on a heavy day. Her son, at that age towered over her by several inches and outweighed her by quite a bit. So, one day he pushed her buttons once too often. Took that fatal step over the last line...
She wrestled him down to the ground, tore off his clothes down to his underwear, shoved him out the front door and locked it. There he was, pounding on the door yelling for her to let him in. She called back that she was tired of his behavior, that everything he had or had ever had was through *her* generosity & that he was lucky she'd let him keep the underwear on. He ended up apologizing profusely before she let him back inside. And, you know, his manners and behavior vastly improved after that day
edited for UBB
[ edited by bunnicula on Jul 11, 2002 12:15 AM ]
posted on July 10, 2002 09:22:44 PM new
I'm glad you're OK now nycyn. They have a commercial here about that. They say you're supposed to go look in the mirror just before you explode. Maybe a person looks really weird or something right before. (??)
posted on July 10, 2002 11:31:59 PM new
ncyn,
Been there and done that. Parental domination at times doesn't hurt at all. I assume you have developed "the look" if your son is a teenager now. My kids knew that when the look came it was time to can it. Of course it got tested for which they were grounded awhile which was rougher on me than them. Just be glad for even the rough times with him because quicker than you can blink an eye he will be on his own.
Twinsoft,
You got girls? They are really sweet at 5 but wait until they are Teeeeeenagggers!!!
posted on July 11, 2002 04:46:22 AM new
I love bunniculas story. I would have never thought to talk back to my Mom or Dad. My Dad was a Special Forces guy - a Ranger that was with an outfit they dropped in Germany and lost for 3 days before they found them again.
He was discharged on a mental. My Mom was 2/3 his size and twice as dangerous. I watched her one day walk up to a fellow that had cut her off in traffic. He had his window rolled down a hair and when he would not talk to her she put both hands in the opening and folded the top half of the door down so she could reach in and drag him out half way by the neck. I have no idea what she said to him but he was nodding enthusiastic agreement by the time she shove him back in the window. That sort of things tells you not to cross her.
I used to enjoy sitting other peoples kids when our friends had them. There is no joy like a smart kid. I would lay on the living room floor or sit at the kitchen table for hours with my bright little niece and teach her geometry and topography. Her parents were shocked she could learn to draw in perspective very young - they thought it too hard for her age.
I would take nycyn's kid for a week in a minute if I didn't have my Mother in Law to take cre of now which believe me is just as bad as having a small child with the Alzheimers.
posted on July 11, 2002 06:24:21 AM new
nycyn - I doubt there's a parent alive, or very few anyway, [who've made it through the teenage years] that can't identify with what you went through. And I'm sure it's extra hard doing it alone or without support.
I remember our sons [each in their own time] feeling pretty smug about themselves once they were taller than I was [I'm 5'7"]. [They ended up 6'4" and 6'2".] Somehow they got it in their minds that being taller meant I wasn't in charge anymore, they were. LOL All children will challenge parental limits...to different degrees...and sometimes I think they need to have the security that those same limits are there.
gravid - I guess a time will come when your MIL will need to be in a care facility of some sort, but I do respect the fact that you and your wife have gone through many hardships in order to care for her as long as you have. I know that has been most difficult. You have my utmost respect for that.
And yes....bunnicula's friend...I had friends like that. I remember laughing at some of the things they'd do when their teenagers thought they were in control. Always admired parents who were 'quick thinkers' when challenged. Me, I always tended to be surprised they would even think to do some of the things they did. LOL
But when all is said and done...it was worth every minute. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
posted on July 11, 2002 07:00:20 AM new
Hi all,
Some very interesting stories here.
We've never had a problem with our son. BUT
our daughter was something else again. She
challenged EVERY decision that was made in her regard. We had battles all the way through but she was a very loving individual.
Now she is the loving mother of nine. YES NINE!! More patience than you can imagine. Would not touch a hair of anyone of them in anger. There are some twins in these kids! HA!HA!
My sister has two boys. The oldest is 6 ft.
and the youngest is 6'7". She is 5'7".
Those two boys tie up in a fight with each other and it looks like they are aiming to kill. She finds a place somewhere in the
middle of them to squeeze in between them
and works her way up to a standing position. Then they get tickled at her and the fighting is over.
Kids are a pain a lot of the time but nothing on earth compares to the joy they
brings.
posted on July 11, 2002 08:56:34 AM new
the learned types theorize that governments came about as a way of controlling and sharing resources in early agricultural societies....hogwash...they came about to prevent people from strangling their children and dooming the species........
posted on July 11, 2002 09:17:32 AM new
The same parenting techniques that work with small children won't work with teenagers, especially 15-18 year olds. Bullying, threats, intimidation, etc., may keep an eight-year old in line, but in the long run that kind of behavior modification technique is ineffective and even counter-productive.
If, by the time a kid is 16, you haven't established a relationship built on MUTUAL trust and respect, you have lost the battle as a parent. "When you live under my roof, you'll follow my rules" has a predictable outcome. Children naturally need to become and do become more independent in their teenage years. Unfortunately, by that time, many parents have become involved in what simply amounts to a power struggle. Ineffective parents are more concerned with "winning" an argument than building confidence and self-reliance. Of course, at some point the child will realize that the nightmare ends when the child moves out. From then on, the child loses any shred of respect for the parent.
The parent-child relationship is further complicated by the parent's own narcissistic impulses, IOW identification with the child's youth and beauty. For example, the mother who dresses to compete with her younger daughter. Parents expect children to achieve goals that they themselves failed to accomplish. This sets up the child to see himself as a failure later in life.
Take my brother for example. He didn't finish college, but has worked in the same job for 30 years, is now on his second home (worth about $500,000) and recently bought a new car. By any reasonable standards, he is a success. The only thing he failed to do was live up to his parents' expectations that he become a doctor or lawyer. He'll probably live his entire life feeling inadequate.
A parent's job is not to relive life through their children. A parent's job is to prepare a child to meet life's challenges. The only way for a child to learn independence is to make decisions and experience the consequences. If a parent has done a good job, the transition into adulthood can be relatively painless. If the parent treats the child as an inept weakling who can't make his own decisions, that is the self-image the child will carry through life.
Now I will anticipate one of your objections: "What if the child decides to become involved with drugs or gangs? " The answer is, if you haven't taught your child the difference between right and wrong by age 10, you have already lost the battle.
And as my daughter (at age 3) reminded me, always say "please."
posted on July 11, 2002 05:26:17 PM new
>>they came about to prevent people from strangling their children and dooming the species........<<
prof51: Truly. If couples really knew what they were getting themselves into the species would simply disappear.
gravid: Re the MIL, I was going to recommend some solutions, even having my son around for a weekend, but I wasn't sure how much of a sense of humor you had around this.
I once looked after an old artist that was going that way. Then one very, very early, a.m. I found him enjoying the sensuality of mashing his feces with his feet and toes. It was nursing home time after that. (Not an option for everyone; I understand.)
Sending YOU my kid I'd do in a hot minute. (What did you say your name was?)
This was to be a new day. The Kid continues to be a snot-nose. I am being very mature about it. I told him that if can't be a son then I don't have to be a mother, not that he heard me. So I'm not a mother tonight. So there!
Twinsoft: You lost me completely an easy two posts ago, not that you can't participate in he thread of course.
