posted on October 19, 2003 07:22:19 PM new
Four hundred and seventy one:
12 to investigate the Texas Oil Industries involvement in the failure of the old bulb,
23 to reregulate the light bulb industry,
16 to demand funding for alternative lighting R&D,
34 to increase the marginal tax rate on high-wattage light bulbs,
9 to threaten trade sanctions if Germany and Japan don't start buying more 110-volt bulbs,
53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,
40 to fully fund a new "volunteer" youth program which guarantees $10.00 per hour for anyone who can write an essay about why the environment and whales will be saved if light bulbs are changed.
43 to organize a protest including the NAACP, NEA and AFL-CIO to demand reparations for all building janitors who have slaved to change light bulbs all by themselves for decades.
35 to take polls in California to prove that if the bulb really needed to be changed, Californians would have already formed an encounter group, funded a multi cultural task force and have assigned gay and transsexual experts.
41 to chat with defense contractors about equipping everyone in the building with night-vision gear instead, and
165 to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs, or screwing anything, on the Internet.
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
posted on October 19, 2003 07:27:28 PM new
Republicans
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
A: None, they only screw the poor
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: (Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn't
have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.
A: (DuPont) Light bulbs need to be changed? Gosh. I guess the servants have
always taken care of that... With a DuPont administration, the power of
the free market will be unleashed to produce light bulbs that never need
changing.
A: (Robertson) Oh, Lord, with thy divine illumination, heal this light bulb!
A: (Kemp) It's morning in America! Why should we worry about light bulbs? Let
those doom-crying Democrats worry about light bulbs! [stumble over chair
in the dark].
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question.
I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing
alive. I think the American people are TIRED of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?
A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.
